What am I?

I’ve recently become aware of a debate of nomenclature around people who are… or have… see? This is the issue. Let me back up a minute here. Growing up, I had one very good friend who had diabetes - Type 1 specifically. Being the only person I knew who suffered from this disease (and the fact that I was 7 years old), I figured that was the only kind. As I got older, I learned there was a 2nd type, aptly name Type 2. This is the type that has been publicized and stigmatized. Type 2 is what’s talked about as a result of bad behaviors and decisions and lifestyles. When I was first diagnosed, I had a hard time explaining it to people without feeling some form of media-induced shame. I couldn’t bring myself to say “I have diabetes” without thinking this:

Wilford Brimley did diabetes commercials for years and ended up as a meme.

I would tend to say, “I am a diabetic” and when that didn’t feel right I’d say “I’m a Type 1 Diabetic.” I then realized that the difference between 1 and 2 meant nothing to many people so I started saying, “I’m an insulin dependent Type 1 Diabetic.” That was just a mouthful. In the end I’d just say “I’m a diabetic” because anything was better than having them picture me as careless and causing this myself, right?

I recently joined an online community for Type 1 folks like myself. This conversation came up. Someone addressed the group as “Diabetics!” and another member preferred to be called “A person with diabetes.” So I got to thinking. What am I?

They say the key to success in living with this is to not let it own you. I don’t. I just finished a Jersey Mike’s sub because my sugar was below 100 and it’s delicious. I treated it with the right amount of insulin and went on my way. I ate a small piece of Nicky’s Easter candy because Daddy can’t resist his little boy. If I am a diabetic, will it consume me? Am I a person with diabetes? I even did a poll with the community.

After seeing the results and reading some of the comments, which I won’t share outside of the group, I came to 2 conclusions about my stance on this.

1. I’m a diabetic in terms of how I view myself.

2. I don’t care what other people address this as.

Let’s start with 2 first. There are 2 kinds of people in my life. The first kind are the people who don’t know the difference or the stigma or the connotation and are just looking for a way to verbalize it. They mean no harm. The second kind are the people who do know me well enough to understand it all, but still don’t know the nomenclature. They also mean no harm. There may be a very small subset of insensitive assholes who do mean harm. But… since I don’t care, they’ll fail. And if they are that way to me on purpose, despite their success rate, they don’t have a place in my life anyway.

As for Number 1, here’s how I arrived at that conclusion. This isn’t like Prilosec I take for heartburn every day or something people take for high blood pressure or cholesterol. I don’t pop a pill for forget about it until the morning. I open my eyes and check my sugar. I check it before each meal, before bed, and randomly throughout the day by looking at my phone or Apple Watch. Before I eat anything, I take a check, calculate the carbs/sugar in what I’m eating and when I’m eating it, then think about what and when I think I’ll be eating next. I change work meetings around it. I skimp in some places to somewhat splurge in others. Before I leave the house I inventory my supplies of insulin, needles, alcohol pads, and candies to treat the lows. I consider where I can go out to eat and who I’m with. I’ve trained my closest friends on how to give me insulin if needed.

Short version: it’s on my mind every second of every day for one reason or another.

I’m not a person with diabetes. I’m a person with acid reflux. I take a pill and it disappears. I am a diabetic. There’s just no question about it for me. But that’s not all I am. There are lots of characteristics that make me who I am. I’m Italian. I identify with those roots and the associated customs. It’s obvious every day to everyone around me that I’m Italian. I’m a husband and a dad. Both of those are evident in all my actions. And the list goes on for all the things I am. I love photography. I enjoy taking pictures. That’s a thing I do. I can’t say I am a photographer. In all things we do in life we can determine to what degree these things infiltrate our minds and permeate our actions. And use those determinations to decide if each thing is something we have/do or if it’s something that makes us who we are. I am a diabetic. It won’t go away. I can’t ignore it for a while to do something else.

You or someone you know may have Type 1 and they don’t feel the same way. There’s no unequivocal, objective right answer. There’s just your answer. I have mine. I think it’s important to find yours. It’s how you make your peace with it. For me, if I have diabetes, it’s a thing that’s not part of me, but stuck to me. It’s a cross to bear. It’s something heavy I lug around. But it’s part of me, for better or for worse. It’s just another part of me that lives in concert with all the other parts of me. Together all parts are a holistic ecosystem of moving parts that keeps me living a good and happy and (relatively) healthy life as long as I can.